Culture Archives - Page 450

millennial, white claw, Molotov cocktail

Millennial Rioter Throws Molotov White Claw

Jeremy Kaplowitz • December 13, 2019

NEW YORK — Local rioter and 26-year-old woman Nikki Kraushaar reportedly threw molotov White Claws early this morning into a…

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Gildan Exec Admits They’ve Never Actually Seen Human Torso

Gary Doyle • December 13, 2019

MONTREAL — Gildan CEO Glenn Chamandy left many people feeling vindicated today, admitting in a press conference that he has…

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Punk Sommelier Recommends Pre-2015 Franzia

Taylor Roebuck • December 12, 2019

BISBEE, Ariz. — Self-proclaimed punk sommelier and admitted problem-drinker Tegan Nixon strongly recommended that wine drinkers avoid Franzia made after…

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Lonely Guy Starts Group Chat With Cell Phone Bill Reminders, Bernie Campaign Texts

John Danek • December 12, 2019

CINCINNATI — Friendless, pathetic loser Sonny Robertson attempted to remedy his loneliness yesterday by starting a group text with his…

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I Don’t Depend on Drugs to Feel Happy, I Depend on Them to Not Feel Sad

Eric Navarro • December 12, 2019

As a child of the nineties I went through all the anti-drug campaigns - D.A.R.E., ‘just say no,’ that fried…

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Band Giving Free EPs to First 50 Fans at Show Not Sure What to do with Box of 47 EPs

Patrick Coyne • December 12, 2019

MINNEAPOLIS — Local indie band C4 and a Chocolate Bar severely overestimated their show attendance and audience’s wants last night…

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Dropkick Murphys Cruise Just Stays Docked in Boston Harbor Whole Time

Jay Chanoine • December 11, 2019

BOSTON — The Dropkick Murphys’ first official “Shipping Up to Boston” Cruise occurred last week and remained docked in Boston…

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Deranged Couple Has Baby On Purpose

Taylor Roebuck • December 11, 2019

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Married couple Dave and Sarah Dyer allegedly conceived and birthed a newborn child on purpose within…

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Punk Venue Offers Senior Discount to Anyone over 25

Rose Vineshank • December 11, 2019

BALTIMORE — A local punk venue is now offering senior discounts to patrons over age 25 amid rising demand for…

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New Study Confirms Cannabis Does Whatever the Fuck You Gotta Hear to Make You Feel Better About Yourself

Jeremy Kaplowitz • December 10, 2019

NEW YORK — A new study by Columbia University has found that ingesting cannabis improves whatever you need to hear…

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