Culture Archives - Page 356

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Drum Solo Enjoyed by Drummer

James Knapp • November 22, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — An impromptu drum solo performed by Dana “Quick Sticks” Ansen was “thoroughly enjoyed” by her, and her only,…

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Attempt at Discreetly Adjusting Balls Noticed by Everyone

Patrick Crooks • November 21, 2020

SEATTLE — Local man Brian Preston failed moments ago to covertly adjust his balls, accidentally drawing the attention of everyone…

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Contestant from “Pimp My Ride” Now Living Out of the Dopest Car

Steve Yuen • November 21, 2020

CULVER CITY, Calif. — Former “Pimp My Ride” contestant and man currently living out of “the dopest Civic in SoCal”…

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Protestors Perfectly Fine with Cops Roughing up “Free Hugs” Guy

Eli Johnson • November 21, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — Protesters demanding an end to police brutality found themselves in an awkward situation today when they applauded riot…

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Punk Dies of Multiple Stab Wounds After Falling on Pin Side of Jacket

John Dixon • November 21, 2020

SEATTLE — Local punk Branson Jones died from multiple stab wounds last week after falling onto the pin side of…

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Coworker Called Out for Gutting, Scaling, Microwaving Fish in Office Breakroom

Patrick Crooks • November 20, 2020

BOWIE, Md. — The staff of Free State Digital are reportedly at their wits end over sales rep John Morris’s…

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Trump Sneaks His Own Name into This Year’s Turkey Pardoning Ceremony

Stephen Bell • November 20, 2020

WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted…

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Woman’s Insecurities Confirmed by Record Store’s Dollar Bin

Mike Civins • November 19, 2020

BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Music fan Laura Kesrick’s insecurities were confirmed yesterday after discovering an alarming number of favorite albums in…

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Man Only Listens to Canceled Bands on Spotify So He Doesn’t Support Them Monetarily

Parker Newman • November 19, 2020

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local man Charlie Miller made the bold decision today to only listen to canceled bands on Spotify…

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Girlfriend Excited to Start Crying Outside of Bars Again

Ryan Danley • November 18, 2020

SAN FRANCISCO — Local woman Amber Stevens is looking forward to a return of her favorite pastime of crying outside…

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