Billy Patterson
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PHILADELPHIA — Local resident Daniel Mayfield is now in his 10th consecutive year of waiting to be in a good…
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Ben Friedman
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MUNICH — Luxury car manufacturer BMW will finally implement turn signals in all of their vehicles by 2022, according to…
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Rob Steinberg
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LOS ANGELES — Seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe finally revealed yesterday the deeper meaning to the enigmatic song “Girls,…
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Megan Cox
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SAN DIEGO ー Male coworkers of local woman Cleo Thomas discovered yesterday that months of her small talk and general…
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James Knapp
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PHILADELPHIA — An impromptu drum solo performed by Dana “Quick Sticks” Ansen was “thoroughly enjoyed” by her, and her only,…
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Patrick Crooks
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SEATTLE — Local man Brian Preston failed moments ago to covertly adjust his balls, accidentally drawing the attention of everyone…
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Steve Yuen
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CULVER CITY, Calif. — Former “Pimp My Ride” contestant and man currently living out of “the dopest Civic in SoCal”…
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Eli Johnson
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PHILADELPHIA — Protesters demanding an end to police brutality found themselves in an awkward situation today when they applauded riot…
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John Dixon
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SEATTLE — Local punk Branson Jones died from multiple stab wounds last week after falling onto the pin side of…
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Patrick Crooks
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BOWIE, Md. — The staff of Free State Digital are reportedly at their wits end over sales rep John Morris’s…
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