Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — Cadets of the Chicago Police Academy were reminded of the exhausting six weeks of training they endured in…
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Courtney Baka
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DENVER — Local woman Caitlin Baker recently celebrated her fully vaccinated status by dropping her dating standards to an all-time…
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Mark Roebuck
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LOS ANGELES — Veteran musician and Alkaline Trio founder Matt Skiba reportedly wishes he hadn’t gotten a prominent tattoo of…
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Ryan Danley
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BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left…
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Courtney Baka
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CHICAGO — Local stoner Lukas James accidentally tasted his first apple in over ten years last week after using it…
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Michael Luis
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VANCOUVER — Nu-metal fan and dedicated JNCO jeans wearer Chad Willis was the only surviving passenger of a plane crash…
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Ted Pillow
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GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Daniel Powers is searching for an acceptable way to find out if his niece’s upcoming birthday…
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Holly Woodstock
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REINLANDER, Wisc. — A group of white men were mistaken for the headlining band of a local show early yesterday…
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Jerrod Kingery
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AUTOBOT CITY — Heroic Autobot Optimus Prime is currently forbidden from morphing into his truck form and driving on roads…
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Stephen Bell
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ATHENS, Ohio — Self-described lover of crystals, energy healing, and astrology Emma Cobb is reportedly only into hobbies that allow…
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