James Knapp
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June 12, 2021
LOS ANGELES — Recently vaccinated man Albert Kalomatsos posted his out-of-focus vaccine selfie weeks too late for it to even…
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John Danek
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June 12, 2021
DALLAS — Rhythm guitarist and craft beer connoisseur Kirk Tenly reportedly hasn’t seen his own pedalboard since the late 2000s…
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Tiana Miller
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June 11, 2021
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at…
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Progressive metal band Knight Vision announced they are accepting applications from medieval studies majors for a summer…
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John Sevigne
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June 10, 2021
DUCKBURG, Calisota — Multi-billionaire businessfowl Scrooge McDuck is questioning his decision to convert his wealth to cryptocurrency after realizing he…
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Nathan Kamal
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June 10, 2021
HOUSTON — Famed environmental superhero and holographic android Captain Planet announced he would be accepting a position as a paid…
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Nick Ortolani
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June 10, 2021
SASKATOON — Violence nearly erupted following an argument between a local Canadian and a visiting metalhead over the cultural origins…
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John Danek
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June 9, 2021
DENVER — Local man Ian Vernor horrified his roommates yesterday by inauspiciously sniffing his pointer and middle fingers, recoiling in…
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Dan Luberto
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June 9, 2021
STUDIO CITY, Calif. — Popular game show “Jeopardy!” ceased filming mid-episode last week when contestant and off-duty police officer Jamie…
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Krissy Howard
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June 9, 2021
RIDGEWOOD, N.Y. — Local creep Lance Weems narrowly squeezed past two women at a limited capacity venue last night despite…
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