Is there a more romantic season than fall, aside from spring, summer, and winter? When the leaves start changing colors and evenings get snuggly, it’s more important than ever to prioritize “couple time” with some creative dates!
And, if you’re one of those couples who is constantly followed by a terrifyingly wizened and gaunt crone who portends doom at every step, you especially need some good ideas to keep your spark alive.
For example:
1. Apple Picking
This super-cute autumn activity is a classic for a reason! There’s nothing like being out in brisk weather with a loved one, strolling through a gorgeous orchard while sipping warm homemade cider, and ignoring the keening wails of the crone, who haunts your every waking hour with her endless predictions of despair. Plus, at the end of the day, you’ve got a basket of apples, perfect for pies and cobblers.
2. Carve Every Gourd You See
A lot of couples feel satisfied to carve a pumpkin at Halloween and call it good, but you know they’ve never actually made each other cum. Try expanding your horizons a little and carve fall gourds of all kinds! Bottle gourds! Daisy gourds! The intimidating yet subtly erotic penguin gourd! Even if the crone still dogs your steps and whips acorns at your feet while chanting in the Old Tongue, she can’t stop gourd time.
3. Corn Maze Date
With any luck, you might be able to lose the crone for a few precious moments in a corn maze. Quick, around the corner! We can hear her coming! God, for just a few seconds of silence in this labyrinth of corn!
4. Visit the Grove Where Shadows Are Born and Hopes Die
“The Grove Where Shadows Are Born and Hopes Die” is the perfect spot for couples and their crone,” says life coach Dr. Dakota Borg. “While it might not be a traditional date spot, its dark recesses are perfect for private moments, and it never hurts to let a hope or two die in a relationship! Plus, the crone can run and play with other crones there, which is great exercise and can even help you meet new couple friends.”
5. Mini-Oktoberfest
Oktoberfest might only last for a few days in September, but that doesn’t mean you and your main squeeze can’t make your own Germanic fun. Surprise your lover with a fun array of beers and suggestive sausages, and don’t be afraid to sport some lederhosen! Remember, crones will only drink roggenbier, and if you try substituting a zwickelbier, she will shriek loud enough to curdle the wombs of your village’s cows.
6. Haunted House
Why not? It’s not like you don’t already have worse following your every footstep and reminding you that all love eventually dies and that the Bursar of Upper Franconia has cuckolded you.
7. Crone Day
Crone Day only comes once a year, and while you might not always get along with your crone and her predictions that all will fall apart and you will eat only cheese of despair, it’s her day. Pack your partner and your crone in the car, head to the state fairgrounds, and spend a fun autumn day treating your crone to sawdust and broken mirrors!
8. Pie-Making
We’ll be frank: pies make people horny and no crone wailing about Ragnarok can stop that.