Formed by Laura Dern’s metal clone, Laura Pleasants, Kylesa provided walls of swampy sludge, straight from Savannah, Georgia, right to your ear bones. Joined by…
Every OM Album Ranked Worst to Best
Well, it’s that time of year, isn’t it? That time of year when the holidays end and New Year’s resolutions are being abandoned at break-neck…
Doom Metal Band Announces First Song Will Also Be Last Song
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local doom metal band Don’t Wake The Dwarf decided to make an announcement at their show this weekend that their opening song…
SHEBOYGAN, Wis. — Local doom metal legend Ted Halverson, the skinsman for classic doom outfits such as Snore and Prophet Of Emptiness, recently admitted that…
Every Isis Album Ranked Worst to Best
Isis, perhaps better known as “Isis + Band” when you Google them now because of that other unfortunately-named group, released 5 post-metal auditory journeys that…
AUBURN HILLS, Mich. — Local doom metal outfit Everplug swore to a pact in which surviving members of the band will smoke marijuana from the…
DETROIT — Crowd members attending a show headline by doom metal band Wretched Wizard questioned the band’s authenticity when they noticed their lack of long…
Doom Drummer Studies for LSAT Between Snare Hits
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local doom metal drummer and law student John Hennion used the extended gaps in between snare hits to study for the…
Bigfoot Killing It on Bass in Doom Metal Band
SEQUIM, Wash. – Local doom metal band Skull Ritual are seeing a sudden surge in popularity ever since adding an elusive Sasquatch to their rhythm…
Sunn O))) Breaks Up Due to Creative Differences of Whether to Play D-Flat or B-Flat for 10 Minutes
SEATTLE – Legendary drone metal duo Sunn O))) announced they are disbanding following a dispute over whether their next 10-minute dirge should be on a…
Man’s General Outlook on State of Humanity Changes Around Six Times While Scrolling Through Twitter
RUCKERSVILLE, Va. — Local man Camden Singh had his overall worldview and philosophy shattered then reformed no less than six times while using social media…
Study: States Legalizing Cannabis See a 45% Increase of Doom Metal Bands in First Year
PORTLAND, Ore. — A recent study out of the Portland Cannabis Institute shows American states that legalize recreational marijuana use see a 45% increase in…
Ignorant 6-Year-Old Rambling on About Future Dreams as if Planet Is Still Going To Exist by Then
BROWNSVILLE, Texas — Six-year-old Danny Crothers is reportedly continuing to discuss his future dreams with no regard to the fact that the planet won’t even…
Frontman’s Greatest Fear Realized When Guitarist Turns Out To Be Pretty Good Singer Too
SCRANTON, Penn. — Toby Louvern, lead vocalist in doom-pop band Expired Sex, was stricken with the deepest existential terror of his life during a recent…
Metalhead at Torture Museum Googling Every Contraption to See if It’s Already a Band Name
AMSTERDAM — Belgian metalhead Joost Lambert spent nearly four hours in the Museum of Torture yesterday looking up every item on display to see if…