AUBURN HILLS, Mich. — Local doom metal outfit Everplug swore to a pact in which surviving members of the band will smoke marijuana from the skull of the first to pass away, several lethargic sources report.
“Smoking reefer from the skull of a fallen comrade is simply the most metal thing a person can do, aside from maybe deep frying and eating it in front of their grieving family,” Everplug frontman James Milligan said while wearing a stained Solitude Aeturnus shirt. “I know I won’t be the first to go, but I think my skull would definitely hold the most weed for sure. I think our drummer Scott’s would be the most convenient though, seeing as how cylindrical his head is and all.”
Former Everplug bass player Stacey Lu decided she wanted no part in the band’s bizarre pact.
“I was pumped at first to join the band, but after all the weird seances and then the whole ‘desecrating each other’s corpse’ thing, that’s when I bounced,” Lu explained. “No way was I going to let any of those losers with their grimey, unwashed hands anywhere near my remains. Luckily they let me leave the band pretty easily after I told them the whole pact seemed more like a black metal thing. Sure, I might be a poser, but as long as those creeps stay far away from me, that’s an L I’m willing to take.”
Budtender and head shop owner Chudo Clark weighed in on the history of turning body parts into smoking vessels.
“Ahh man, the skull is really probably the tamest part of the human body I’ve heard of being turned into a smoking device,” Chudo said through a thick cloud of patchouli stench. “One guy came into the shop and told me he had his own pinky toe that he lost in a forklift accident turned into a one-hitter. Another guy had his best friend’s entire rib cage turned into a goth hookah that he can also play like a xylophone. Now that’s some wild stuff, man.”
At press time, Milligan was spotted sneaking a mock human skull out of the science lab just to do a “trial run.”