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Doom Metal Band Announces First Song Will Also Be Last Song

ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local doom metal band Don’t Wake The Dwarf decided to make an announcement at their show this weekend that their opening song would also be their closing song, sources close to the band confirmed.

“Some people have gotten upset in the past when we only play one song, but you have to see it from a logistics point of view” noted longtime doom scene figure and Don’t Wake The Dwarf vocalist, Otto Bamberger. “We typically get a 45 minute set if we’re lucky, so one song is all we have time for. We have haggled with promoters in the past about adding a second song, but that would require canceling the other bands on the bill and keeping the venue open past curfew. There’s only so many hours in the day, after all. Maybe if we do a 24 hour stream on Twitch we can make it through our double album.”

Many in the audience were more empathetic to the band’s plight, and urged newcomers to the doom scene to adjust their expectations.

“I can’t believe people come to a doom show expecting to hear more than one song,” exclaimed veteran Jasmine Whitlock. “When I first started coming to doom shows back in the day, we would typically only be able to hear half of a song from each band, and then have to come back the following weekend to hear the remainders. Talk about a cliffhanger! Hearing a complete song from start to finish is something we only used to dream about.”

Noted doom metal historian and guy who works at the somehow still open PC Repair Shop, Vernon Willoughby, provided his expert insight.

“Ah yes, this subject comes up every few years or so,” explained Willoughby. “I guess I may be considered a dinosaur in some circles, but in my opinion anything more than a single song played by a band at a doom show is just gluttonous. However, there have been exceptions to the rule. There was a fest I attended some years ago where a band played their entire album over the course of three days. It was miserable, and we all loved every second of it.”

At press time, all of the prominent local doom bands agreed to just play their sets at the same time in the future to expand to a possible three-song show experience.