Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

January 12, 2020

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Recently stabbed, profusely bleeding, and chronically uninsured drummer Tommy Rivera is insisting his band add at least…

January 11, 2020

ROME, N.Y. — Local folk-punk band and inconsiderate neighbors Brewdog asked the old man who lives downstairs and banging on…

January 11, 2020

NEW YORK — A large-scale data breach of Tumblr’s current user base compromised the personal information of all 12 horny,…

January 10, 2020

NEWARK, N.J. — Local punk and expert responsibility-avoider Dean Freeman asked his neighbor this morning to throw out all his…

January 6, 2020

Quick, need some mommy advice ASAP. About once a week, usually after getting my eight-month-old son to sleep, there’s a…

December 29, 2019

FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Amateur GG Allin impersonator, and introverted man that has no business being on any stage, Logan…

December 28, 2019

LAS VEGAS — Local punk Andrew “RatFink” Haseley was recently offered a cool $300 by the hit History Channel show…

December 28, 2019

I hope you assholes are happy. Recently, The Hard Times asked our readers, who we honestly thought were more mature…

December 24, 2019

Before we start eating, I’d just like to say what we’re all thinking. This is our first Christmas without Uncle…

December 23, 2019

SALT LAKE CITY — Local 33-year-old Tom Marshman was sorely dissapointed today to learn he is actually “37 fucking years…