World War 2 Code Breaker Asked to Decipher Pavement Lyrics
VOORHEES, N.J. — Local grandmother and World War 2 hero Dorothy Schuler was asked yesterday by her grandson Darin Roche…
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Patrick Coyne — Page 12
372 stories found
7 Movies I Think Could Never Be Made Today Because I’m a Fucking Dumbshit
It’s no revelation to say that most of the great comedies of yesteryear couldn’t be made today. The cultural climate…
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LEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” Toy
ANAHEIM, Calif. — LEGO customer service representative Janice Kirkland was well aware that caller and middle-aged man Mike Doherty was…
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Quoting 20-Year-Old Local Car Dealership Ad Only Thing Siblings Still Have in Common
OLIVETTE, Mo. — Siblings Freddy and Kevin Rosario have separately come to the unfortunate conclusion that quoting a “Plimpton Auto”…
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Where Are They Now? All the Whiny Ass MAGA Bitches That Used To Clog My Newsfeed
It seems like just yesterday those Trump-loving, dumbass crybaby MAGA bitches were clogging up my Facebook feed with racist propaganda,…
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Unused Best Man Speech Salvaged for Eulogy
CLEVELAND — Local man Ryan Kaufman salvaged the majority of his unused best man speech yesterday after adding some minor…
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Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting
METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after…
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So-Called “Legitimate News Source” Doesn’t Even Confirm What Man Already Believes
TOLEDO, Ohio — The Observer-Gazette, a so-called “legitimate” local newspaper that has “allegedly won multiple prestigious awards,” failed to even…
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Punk’s Dickhead Boss Wouldn’t Give Him Day Off to Vote If He Had Job, Was Registered
ATLANTA — Quasi-political punk Aaron Scovell convinced himself yesterday that, if he had a job and was registered, his theoretical…
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Tired Woman Wondering if Husband Would Mind Just Licking Her Neck, Back Tonight
CARBONDALE, Ill. — Tired wife Ruby McDermott was reportedly “not in the mood” for sexual activity this evening, instead asking…
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