LEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” Toy
ANAHEIM, Calif. — LEGO customer service representative Janice Kirkland was well aware that caller and middle-aged man Mike Doherty was…
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Patrick Coyne — Page 12
370 stories found
Quoting 20-Year-Old Local Car Dealership Ad Only Thing Siblings Still Have in Common
OLIVETTE, Mo. — Siblings Freddy and Kevin Rosario have separately come to the unfortunate conclusion that quoting a “Plimpton Auto”…
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Where Are They Now? All the Whiny Ass MAGA Bitches That Used To Clog My Newsfeed
It seems like just yesterday those Trump-loving, dumbass crybaby MAGA bitches were clogging up my Facebook feed with racist propaganda,…
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Unused Best Man Speech Salvaged for Eulogy
CLEVELAND — Local man Ryan Kaufman salvaged the majority of his unused best man speech yesterday after adding some minor…
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Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting
METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after…
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So-Called “Legitimate News Source” Doesn’t Even Confirm What Man Already Believes
TOLEDO, Ohio — The Observer-Gazette, a so-called “legitimate” local newspaper that has “allegedly won multiple prestigious awards,” failed to even…
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Punk’s Dickhead Boss Wouldn’t Give Him Day Off to Vote If He Had Job, Was Registered
ATLANTA — Quasi-political punk Aaron Scovell convinced himself yesterday that, if he had a job and was registered, his theoretical…
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Tired Woman Wondering if Husband Would Mind Just Licking Her Neck, Back Tonight
CARBONDALE, Ill. — Tired wife Ruby McDermott was reportedly “not in the mood” for sexual activity this evening, instead asking…
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Roommate Letting Crust Punk Soak for a Few Days Before Cleaning Him
WILMINGTON, Del. — Local woman Lily-Ann Greenaway is allowing a crust punk she met last week on a dating app…
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We Thought the School Janitor Killed People in the Boiler Room but Turns Out He’s Just Lonely and Lives Down There and Somehow That’s Much Worse
Everyone at my middle school knows the story of “Gus the Gouger,” the creepy old janitor that lures children into…
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