James Knapp, Author at HARDTIMES

January 4, 2021

CUMBERLAND, Md. — Residents of local punk house the Couch Arsenal rotated the only ashtray on the premises yesterday to…

January 2, 2021

LEMOYNE, Penn. — Roommate and all-around jackass Glen Sullivan reportedly drank the last beer in the house moments after having…

December 28, 2020

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Regal Cinemas CFO David Ownby asked his friend and HBO Max subscriber Richard Lansing yesterday to please…

December 24, 2020

The Covid-19 pandemic has drastically altered how we celebrate special occasions with our loved ones and now that's it's impacted…

December 14, 2020

SEATTLE — Singer Ryan Kemper’s commitment to a sober lifestyle brought an alarming realization yesterday: his band of more than…

November 25, 2020

DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this…

November 22, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — An impromptu drum solo performed by Dana “Quick Sticks” Ansen was “thoroughly enjoyed” by her, and her only,…

November 21, 2020

Oh man, I shouldn’t have done that last Jaegerbomb. Or the seven before that one. Or those eleven Heinekens afterward.…

November 18, 2020

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 13-year-old Damien Glass suddenly sprouted a pencil-line mustache yesterday moments into his first listen of Motorhead’s…

November 6, 2020

That is just disgusting! Who would be so thoughtless as to squirt down a thick, sludgy poop in the corner…