Listen up you capitalist dogs! We’ve been looking at this whole pandemic thing all wrong. Sure, right now the coronavirus is a seemingly unstoppable global…
CONROE, Texas — RadioShack employee Rachel Meinke reportedly has “no fucking clue” why she’s considered an essential employee during the COVID-19 lockdown, bored and kind…
BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as much as her male friends…
AKRON, Ohio — Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden announced a new initiative today during a campaign stop at a tire manufacturing plant, promising to “wipe…
PORTLAND, Maine — Residents of local punk house the Fire Trap added more tap water today to the house’s already severely diluted bottle of Dr.…
Few character actors have had as prolific of a career as the great Joe Don Baker. But who are we kidding? Unless you recently binged…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Garreth Wilkes announced today that he will send a vicious death threat to his sitting…
BALTIMORE — Touring garage-rock band Bananther reportedly made bassist Mike Sutherland order off the Denny’s kids’ menu in an effort to cut spending costs after…
KENT, Conn. — Local shoplifter and psychological mastermind Wendy “Sticky Fingers” Hartley reportedly bought a 35-cent pack of Big Red chewing gum yesterday to distract…
CLEVELAND — Involuntarily celibate churchgoer Donald Bates resolved today that, in observance of Lent, he will abstain from all sexual interaction, changing absolutely nothing about…
BEL AIR, Md. — A Tinder date between “Bloody” Mary Wolski and certifiable poser Jared VanAuden ended abruptly moments ago thanks to VanAuden’s errant claim…
Anarcho-punk is deeply rooted in left-wing politics and DIY culture. Few other genres of music can boast the same dedication. However, it can be hard…
RAVENNA, Ohio — 12-year-old punk attending his first show Dalton Stahl was overjoyed last weekend meeting the lead singer of local band Swarthy Dave &…
NEW YORK — Local coroner and punk Wayne “Bonecracker” Davis frustrated his colleagues last week, repeatedly pushing back the time of death for an unnamed…
WHEELING, W.V. — Bassist George Atkins was abandoned yesterday by his thrash band Rocket Bulge at the side entrance of South Wheeling Technical Academy, bringing…