Crisis Actor Wants to Direct
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. – Local crisis actor Alex Perkins expressed his desire to burst out from his creative cocoon and start…
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Doug Kolic — Page 11
110 stories found
Punk’s “Good” Tooth Still Worst Thing Dentist Has Ever Seen
PENSACOLA, Fla. – Local dentist Noah Dunaway expressed utter disgust recently after examining what long-time punk patient Skyler Thompson kept…
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Red Flag? My Defense Attorney Rollerblades to Court
They say you get what you pay for. That’s why I was expecting a top-notch legal defense after hiring my…
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Just Because I Support This Farmer’s Market Doesn’t Mean I Expect To Pay Full Price
There’s nothing like getting up early on a Saturday and heading over to this Farmer’s Market that I’ve always supported.…
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If Alcohol Is Bad For My Body Why Is It Giving Me The Strength To Fight All These Bouncers?
All I’ve heard my entire life is that alcohol is bad for my body, it’s destroying my insides, it’s gonna…
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Goth Secretly Craving Funfetti Cake
TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local goth office worker Todd Schmidt admitted privately that he is secretly craving a slice of the…
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I Wonder If My Music Students Would Think I’m Cooler Knowing How I Fucked And Sucked My Way Through The Local 90s Ska Scene
Man, I wish these students knew how cool I used to be! It’s no secret that they don’t give two…
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Punk Can’t Decide Which Shoulder Rat Should Be His Plus One
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local punk Johnny ‘Blades’ McPhee expressed dread this week after being forced to choose between which one…
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Crowd Not Sure if Drummer Engulfed in Flames Part of Show or Not
TORONTO — Concert goers were left baffled last night when drummer Gareth McGibbons of mathcore band Hyde Index burst into…
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If Stolen Valor Is So Bad Then Why Did It Get Me a Better Seat at This Restaurant?
At ease, soldier! Just kidding, I know you’re not in the military. Don't tell anyone but neither am I. But…
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