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Just Because I Support This Farmer’s Market Doesn’t Mean I Expect To Pay Full Price

There’s nothing like getting up early on a Saturday and heading over to this Farmer’s Market that I’ve always supported. But if these vendors expect me to pay full price, I’m gonna lose my shit!

Most of these growers have deep connections to the land that dates back generations, or they’re hard-working immigrants who put their blood, sweat, and tears into providing us with healthy, sustainable food. But thirty dollars for a jar of honey? I better be on a hidden prank show right now because I could buy an eight-pack from Costco for half that price.

I’ll give you ten bucks but you have to throw in some of this organic coconut oil – my rescue cats love it. These places would never survive without people like me. I literally post hundreds of selfies every week when I’m here. Free advertising, you’re welcome!

If you farmers expect me to pay $15 for eggs they better be Goop-approved and double as a sexual aid. Sure they’re delicious and locally sourced, but we don’t want the health inspector getting an anonymous/bogus complaint about a salmonella outbreak, do we? Let’s work together so that doesn’t happen again! I’ll give you five bucks, final offer.

I’m actually not just a shopper anymore, I’m a merchant too! I got inspired to create jewelry after buying amazing items here from a Bolivian artist named Sofia, who graciously took me under her wings and taught me how to make my own stuff!

In exchange, I gave her tips I learned watching Shark Tank, like the importance of having the right price point otherwise you’ll be undercut by your competitors and forced out of business, both things which ironically happened to her because of me.

Looks like I have some interested customers checking out bracelets. Nothing makes me happier than talking to people who appreciate the craftsmanship that went into making these little pieces of art.

But if any of these assholes try to haggle with me again, I’ll burn this entire place to the ground!
Remember, support local!