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Red Flag? My Defense Attorney Rollerblades to Court

They say you get what you pay for. That’s why I was expecting a top-notch legal defense after hiring my lawyer who came highly recommended via numerous bus stop flyers. But then I saw him rollerblade into the courtroom. That’s when I started to think I may have made a mistake.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe physical fitness is important. I’m just not sure I like the optics of my legal defender zipping up to the courthouse in bulky hard-shelled ’90s skates while sweating profusely through his New York Jets jersey. Oh yeah, he also doesn’t wear a suit to court and he supports the Jets. Two more red flags right there.

When I first met Larry “The Tomahawk” Jablonski in his office, he wasn’t wearing the Native American headdress or wielding a weapon of war like he did in his ads. Red Flag? Probably. Appropriation? You betcha.

Am I overreacting? After all, the big city is full of colorful characters. As long as he’s a competent lawyer who’s doing everything he can to get me off, maybe I should overlook how he dresses or how he gets around. For instance, whenever we met he was always busy prepping for my case by watching Law & Order episodes on an iPod Classic. He doesn’t have a smartphone because “the government is always watching.”

In retrospect, maybe the rollerblading-to-court thing was the least problematic thing about Larry. Next time I’ll break the bank and hire a lawyer whose flyers are in a coffee shop.