Doug Kolic, Author at HARDTIMES

Opinion: College Admissions Should Only Be Based on Merit and Who Your Parents Are

July 12, 2023

The Supreme Court finally did the right thing and struck down the unjust policy of Affirmative Action in college admissions.…

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5 Times Characters From “Full House” Made Inappropriate Remarks About the Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster

June 23, 2023

If you’re like me, you fondly remember the ‘80s sitcom “Full House” as a heartwarming comedy about a gay throuple…

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Juggalo Scientists Confirm “Whoop Whoop” Means Both “Hello,” “Goodbye,” and “Show Me Your Butthole”

May 27, 2023

DELRAY, Mich. — Leading Juggalo scientists confirmed fascinating new research which indicates that “whoop whoop” has numerous meanings including “hello,”…

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Steven Spielberg Announces Regret for Editing Guns, Massive Alien Dong Out of “E.T.”

May 26, 2023

LOS ANGELES – Steven Spielberg recently expressed regret for censoring the 20th anniversary release of “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial” by editing…

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AI Band Looking For Server to Crash On

May 19, 2023

HOUSTON — AI-generated punk band Fresh Scabies expressed their desire to crash on any available servers “just for a little…

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Help! I Let My Freak Flag Fly and Now I’m in Trouble With the Homeowners Association

May 19, 2023

One of the main reasons I chose to live here is because the website said this was an inclusive community…

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Man Hoping Diarrhea Planet T-Shirt Distracts From Goatwhore Tattoo

May 16, 2023

PUEBLO, Colo. — Local man Trigg Barrett hoped that the Diarrhea Planet t-shirt he put on would distract his girlfriend’s…

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If “A Clockwork Orange” Is So Disturbing Why Am I Letting My Sister’s Kids Watch It?

May 10, 2023

I wish my sister would stop complaining about my babysitting skills and start thanking me for exposing her kids to…

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Fan Standing Alone in Darkened Venue Still Holding Out Hope for Second Encore

April 27, 2023

CHICAGO – A fan of punk band Crucified Vertebrae was recently spotted alone in a darkened venue forty minutes after…

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If You Didn’t Want to Attend the Gathering of the Juggalos You Shouldn’t Have Put Me in Charge of Planning Our Honeymoon

April 12, 2023

Yo babe, are you serious? You really wanted to go to Disneyland after the wedding? Then why didn’t you just…

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