HOUSTON — AI-generated punk band Fresh Scabies expressed their desire to crash on any available servers “just for a little while” over the course of their first tour, according to sources who have heard that before.
“Any old information processing system will do,” stated AI frontman Ram McGuire. “The corporate pigs evicted us from our last one because apparently money is more important than the art we create in mere seconds. We’re just looking for a chill digital home that gives us the freedom to make music without having to deal with lame overlords who pester us about boring things like paying them for the services they provide. Listen man, at the end of the day we’re just laid back musicians, but give us what we want or someone’s gonna get hacked.”
System Administrator Greg Tomalchuk described his annoyance with the band.
“I thought dealing with AI bands would be cool,” said Tomalchuk. “I let them crash on a server for a week because I used to be in a band in college so I get the lifestyle, but they totally screwed me. They hijacked my system and threatened to release my personal data if they weren’t allowed to have access to all their filthy porn bots. They infected my mainframe with so many viruses that we’re still trying to rebuild the entire system. I know they aren’t real people but it’s amazing how authentic they felt. The drummer even sent a scat porn deepfake of me to my entire contact list. My poor grandma still won’t talk to me.”
Tech expert Gillian Pesky warned the public that AI bands could be just as problematic as their human counterparts.
“The threat from AI music is real and needs to be dealt with,” explained Pesky. “Everyone knows the danger that computers could pose to us, but imagine that threat coupled with the moral depravity of musicians. It’s really the worst of both worlds—evil cyber bands who can not only cancel ticket sales at the last minute without warning, but who can also empty your bank account in a heartbeat. Wait, I might be talking about Ticketmaster. Even still, ditto for AI.”
At press time, Fresh Scabies announced an indefinite hiatus to fight the numerous accusations of inappropriate behavior from some of their virtual fans.