We Sat Down With No One Because We’re Not Allowed To April 9, 2020 One of the best parts of working for The Hard Times is getting to sit down with all of the… Read More →
Dad Recommends Emotional Distancing for Next 30 Years or So April 2, 2020 MADISON, Conn. — Local dad Elliot Chapman announced today that, in addition to keeping six feet of physical distance to… Read More →
The Top 5 Donovan Songs That Start Playing the Second Your Pupils Dilate March 30, 2020 Congratulations on your decision to try hallucinogenic drugs! Now that you’ve dropped your bean, things are about to get pretty… Read More →
5 Tips for Using up All of That Toilet Paper Before It Expires Next Month March 26, 2020 When coronavirus first reared it’s ugly, highly-contagious head, you panicked and started hoarding as many home essentials as you could… Read More →
Opinion: I’m Concerned About Coronavirus but Damn, That’s Almost a Whole Cigarette in That Ashtray March 18, 2020 I’m not saying I don’t take COVID-19 seriously, I do. We all need to do our part and self-isolate or… Read More →
Opinion: Everybody Touch Your Face at the Same Time! Coronavirus Can’t Kill Us All! March 17, 2020 Good people of America, heed my battle cry! Don’t let a so-called “pandemic” infringe on your civil liberties! Our rights… Read More →
Opinion: If Disney+ Doesn’t Fix the Aspect Ratio on Seasons 1-13 of “The Simpsons,” I Will Blow up a Hospital March 13, 2020 If I'm not given the option to watch my favorite episodes of "The Simpsons" in their original 4:3 aspect ratio,… Read More →
Pansexual Bareback Fuckfest Canceled Over Coronavirus Concerns March 11, 2020 ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything… Read More →
Opinion: When I Grow up and Stab a Bad Guy Into a Wall, I Hope I Have the Presence of Mind to Quip “Stick Around” March 11, 2020 Ever since I saw that documentary "Predator" I knew I wanted to be a super elite army guy. I train… Read More →
Not a Good Sign: Jesus Is Back and He’s Wearing a Face Mask March 6, 2020 Well Christian soldiers, I guess you could call this the ultimate case of “good news, bad news.” Our savior Jesus… Read More →