Opinion: Nazi Presidents Fuck Off June 7, 2020 In the '80s, American Neo-Nazis targetted the hardcore punk scene for recruitment. Why they thought they'd find success among a… Read More →
Real-Life RoboCop? This Police Officer Feels No Empathy or Remorse June 3, 2020 Imagine if you will: a cold, unfeeling machine with a badge and a gun. A law enforcement automaton incapable of… Read More →
This Quarantined Couple Made a Sock Puppet Version of Jaws Instead of Acknowledging Issues With Their Relationship May 6, 2020 Quarantine is hard on relationships. Long term confinement, boredom, and lack of privacy have become major concerns for couples. Resentment… Read More →
We Sat Down With No One Because We’re Not Allowed To April 9, 2020 One of the best parts of working for The Hard Times is getting to sit down with all of the… Read More →
Dad Recommends Emotional Distancing for Next 30 Years or So April 2, 2020 MADISON, Conn. — Local dad Elliot Chapman announced today that, in addition to keeping six feet of physical distance to… Read More →
The Top 5 Donovan Songs That Start Playing the Second Your Pupils Dilate March 30, 2020 Congratulations on your decision to try hallucinogenic drugs! Now that you’ve dropped your bean, things are about to get pretty… Read More →
5 Tips for Using up All of That Toilet Paper Before It Expires Next Month March 26, 2020 When coronavirus first reared it’s ugly, highly-contagious head, you panicked and started hoarding as many home essentials as you could… Read More →
Opinion: I’m Concerned About Coronavirus but Damn, That’s Almost a Whole Cigarette in That Ashtray March 18, 2020 I’m not saying I don’t take COVID-19 seriously, I do. We all need to do our part and self-isolate or… Read More →
Opinion: Everybody Touch Your Face at the Same Time! Coronavirus Can’t Kill Us All! March 17, 2020 Good people of America, heed my battle cry! Don’t let a so-called “pandemic” infringe on your civil liberties! Our rights… Read More →
Opinion: If Disney+ Doesn’t Fix the Aspect Ratio on Seasons 1-13 of “The Simpsons,” I Will Blow up a Hospital March 13, 2020 If I'm not given the option to watch my favorite episodes of "The Simpsons" in their original 4:3 aspect ratio,… Read More →