Page 26 – HARDTIMES

December 28, 2020

2023 has been the worst year of my life, slightly beating out 2022, which surpassed 2021. Actually, now that I…

December 15, 2020

PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Local inebriated man Kevin Donaghue drank a few sips of water before bed moments ago in an…

December 9, 2020

CLEVELAND — Local metalhead and father Bruce Howardt could not teach his son the simple basics of shaving yesterday due…

December 9, 2020

MINNEAPOLIS — ‘90s alternative music darlings Marcy Playground revealed yesterday that their hit song “Sex and Candy” was more specifically…

December 5, 2020

Let’s face it, regular spreader events do not make front page news anymore. Those dum-dum journalists are just not interested…

December 3, 2020

CHICAGO — Hip hop artist and aspiring real estate tycoon Chancelor Johnathan Bennett, known professionally as Chance the Rapper, plans…

November 30, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Drum Chum, the “world’s most lifelike” drum machine, can fully simulate the experience of a real drummer…

November 28, 2020

Where did I get this totally sweet retro band shirt, you ask? You might think I bought it from Hot…

November 17, 2020

SEATTLE — Conveniently opportunistic “cash only” bar Zoo Tavern allegedly also has an abnormally high $7 ATM fee, patrons who…

November 3, 2020

BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Lifelong Democrat Hunter Matthew Sullivanor asked a ballot station attendee today if they had any larger “I…