Well, it’s been a long and particularly depressing winter, and it started to feel like it would never end, but wouldn’t you know it, spring has sprung. Between the lack of sunlight and the hellfire of world events lately, I got pretty down in the dumps, but now I’m back to getting my steps in, making healthier meal choices, hell I’ve even started meditating. Yes sir, for the first time in a long time, I am mentally in a good place. In fact, I’m so well-balanced, I bet I can google the details of Gene Hackman’s death without spiraling.
As a lifelong movie fan, I was of course saddened by the news that Gene Hackman had been found dead along with his wife and dog at their home last month. I tried to remind myself that he was 95 years old, lived an accomplished life, and that dying on your sleep of carbon monoxide poisoning, while tragic, is a relatively peaceful way to go. Then, when reports started coming in that the deaths were not as simple as that, I decided that for mental health reasons, I would not look into the story further. Well, you know what? I think I’m ready.
How bad could it be? It’s not like they were all beheaded or something; I definitely would have heard about that. I’m so stable that I’m back to checking the news every day. If I can handle witnessing the decline of America first-hand, I don’t think the details of one little celebrity’s demise, however macabre they may be, are going to rock my applecart. What’s the worst that could happen?
Okay, worst-case scenario, I suppose if the story is particularly gut-wrenching, and given the fact that Hackman was an actor whose work I have something of an emotional attachment to, maybe, and it’s a long shot mind you but maybe, looking into it would open some sort of depressive floodgate inside of me and, coupled with the worrisome state of the world today, cause me to spiral into oblivion, but that seems highly unlikely. Besides, what’s life without a little risk?! Okay, here I go!
Oh wow, she was like 30 years younger than him, huh? Yeah, okay, that’s a bummer, still had a lot of life left to live I suppose. Well, what are you gonna do?
Oh, Hackman had dementia pretty bad huh? Guess she was basically his caregiver. Well, I’m not gonna lie, that’s depressing, but hey, such is life. Wait, how did she die?
A mouse bite?! She died of hantavirus contracted by a mouse bite?! Fuck, that can happen! God, life is so random and cruel. Wait, if she died from a mouse bite how did he…
THREE DAYS! He just wandered around the house confused for three days until his heart stopped?! Just aimlessly puttering around, maybe thinking he’s Lex Luthor or Poppey Doyle or the guy from “Nightmoves” and discovering his dead wife’s body over and over?! That’s hell! That is literally a state of hell! Well, what about the dog?
You know what? I’m done. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my bedroom with the blinds closed, re-downloading a bunch of fast food delivery apps.