Ted Pillow
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SAN FRANCISCO — 38-year-old father and successful business owner Vince Martinez is still, despite all sound logic and reason, nostalgic…
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Patrick Crooks
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Boy I tell ya, when they say to make sure to read the fine print they mean it! It all…
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Dan Kozuh
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INVERNESS, Ill. — All-around little piece of shit Brenden Mounce, 11, entertained a house full of jealous classmates this weekend…
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John Danek
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TROY, Mich. — Floor Trends Magazine editors have chosen NOFX’s 1994 skate-punk anthem “Linoleum” as the magazine’s Song of the…
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GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Arcane powers of life and death were recently wielded by Amina Mitchell, 35, who used dark…
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Lauren Lavín
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VACAVILLE, Calif. — Local thrash band VomIts-Its officially canceled their summer tour yesterday after every member was forced to attend…
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Mark Roebuck
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TITTY CITY — Female Body Inspector Benjamin Travis Dover was fired this morning following several recent disciplinary incidents, forcing him…
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Yes, America has modern day concentration camps that hold migrant children in cages of their own filth. But we also…
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Kevin Flynn
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FIRE TEMPLE, Hyrule — Becoming flustered after quickly realizing his mistake, the subterranean lava dragon Volvagia was in total disbelief…
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Ted Pillow
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SAVANNAH, Ga. — AFI superfan Kristen Gallows spent her entire paycheck last night on amulets yet again, bankrupting herself for…
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