LAKEWOOD, Ohio — Local pit boss Ralph MacQuery created a sense of chaos and turmoil when he suddenly hoisted a lost shoe above the pit…
BETHESDA, Md. — Military weapons developer and defense contracting behemoth Lockheed Martin announced that it is holding a DIY-style fundraiser to raise money specifically for…
WASHINGTON — Your parents, who have spent every waking moment for the past 20 years preparing for the end of humanity, once again asked when…
War. What is it good for? Well, occasionally it can inspire some pretty so-so punk melodies at the mere cost of a few thousand human…
PETALUMA, Calif. — Indie/jangle pop band Diet Water vowed that they will never play a show in Israel out of support of Palestine, though peers…
WASHINGTON — Average consumers are feeling the pinch both metaphorically and literally as rising gas prices have resulted in them having to give up twice…
LANGLEY, Va. — American intelligence analysts are increasingly fearful that Putin’s mental situation is worsening after a statement to Russian state media about what constitutes…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden signed an executive order immediately dispatching 5,000 scrappy, Italian-American, mush-mouthed boxers to pose a metaphorical threat to the Russians who…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Promoters at a recent local show agreed that they would bump the door fee up three dollars for any individual who…
December 01, 2021 My Dearest Annabelle, I write to you though the hour is late, but I must confess that the situation we find ourselves…
Veteran’s day is a somber holiday in which we honor all who serve or have served in the U.S military, living or dead. It is…
WASHINGTON — The White House has announced that Air Bud will lead talks with the Taliban because there’s nothing in the rulebook that says he…
SAN FRANCISCO — American chain seafood restaurant Red Lobster declared chapter 7 bankruptcy this week after a recent crossover promotion with punk band Dead Kennedys…
WASHINGTON — President Biden announced a rebranding of the “Middle East Peace Process” to “The War On War” in hopes of appeasing warmonger lawmakers on…
SAN DIEGO — Local man John Traeger was greeted to emotional cheers and cries of joy this week when he returned to his group of…