Listen, everyone. We all know this last year of Covid-19 quarantine has been tough on everyone, and those extra hundos in unemployment have been helpful.…
SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…
QUINCY, Mass. — Local man and self-described introvert Blake Crowley became an adamant anti-vaccine activist in a desperate attempt to avoid being forced to attend…
LOS ANGELES — Acoustic guitarist Harry “Wild Child” Kearns caused a mass evacuation from a local vaccine site with his terrible acoustic renditions of pop…
NEW YORK — A local hardcore scene was left to organize a benefit show for several hundred of the 3,000 people who attended their most…
AMES, Iowa — Somewhat recently vaccinated woman Teresa Faison entered her third week of using the potential side effects of the Pfizer inoculation to avoid…
MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Local law enforcement veteran Sergeant David Maddison drew praise from fellow officers for deftly concealing his identity to evade community criticism and…
ATLANTA — The CDC issued new guidance this week aimed at expanding COVID-19 vaccine access to individuals currently experiencing any age-related struggles chronicled by The…
TRAVIS COUNTY, Texas — Local college student Jason Manzano expertly danced around the subject of vaccination rollout last week upon returning home on break from…
With several COVID-19 vaccines dominating the conversation these days, you may be wondering which one is the safest option. But why inject a foreign concoction…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dave Landers received the COVID-19 vaccine on Thursday and is now looking forward to never, ever washing his hands again, according…
RACCOON CITY — Albert Wesker, a former commanding officer of the highly decorated Alpha Team of the STARS division of the RCPD, has angered many…
Everything this simple man’s ever needed in life can be found at my local Walmart. Hell, even if I were fancier I’d still get all…
PITTSBURGH — Your ex-boyfriend Jake Doherty’s new girlfriend, Sara Michaels, will receive the vaccine for the novel coronavirus before you, placing hundreds of millions of…
NASSAU, N.Y. — Local parents and staunch anti-vaxxers Shannon and Dane Wittle will promote their youngest child Ayden to the position of oldest child following…