Tyler Dark
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In my entire life, I have never breathed a sigh of relief quite like the one I enjoyed when I…
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Taylor Roebuck
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PHILADELPHIA — Local band The Shit Kickers condemned their second place prize and disputed the accuracy of the applause-o-meter today…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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WASHINGTON — Republicans nationwide are struggling to decipher a cryptic message from Q, the anonymous leader of conspiracy theory QAnon,…
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Andy Holt
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PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas…
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Anna Walsh
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WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being…
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ABINGTON, Mass. — A local man’s chances of talking to his parents in a civil manner once again is too…
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Dan Kozuh
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CHICAGO — A poll of citizens leaving a nondescript brick building today gave no new information on which to gauge…
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Stephen Bell
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WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — First Lady Melania Trump was apprehended by Florida election officials this morning after being caught…
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Saad Khan
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ERIE, Pa. — Local gamer Glenn Rice reportedly purchased both Nate Silver and Nate Gold versions of the 2020 presidential…
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Stephen Bell
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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — The coronavirus, the cause of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over one million people…
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