Matt McInerney
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ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local dad Will Lowe somehow managed to accidentally “reply all” the national emergency alert test FEMA sent…
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John Danek
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WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Political punk thrashers Propagandhi paused a hometown show in the middle of their set to administer a…
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Joe Rumrill
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Perpetual “lost cause” Kip “The Drip” Dellaher miraculously passed his science and history exams today after simply…
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John Danek
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SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Technically stunning guitarist Peter Lakely tested a $6k Gibson Les Paul for hours at Guitar Gallery…
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Jus Kaplan
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Everyone knows the hardest part of starting a new job is passing the pre-hire drug test. It’s one thing if…
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Ryan Danley
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PHILADELPHIA — Local Irish-themed punk rock band The Drunken Fighting Lads are being suspiciously protective of the ethnic background results…
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John Danek
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MIAMI — Craft beer obsessive Aaron York was thoroughly confused yesterday by his girlfriend’s request to fill out a personality…
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Jimmy Beliakoff
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WARSAW — After emerging from their offices for the first time in months following long hours crunching on Cyberpunk 2077,…
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John Danek
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DES MOINES, Iowa — Local Lowe’s manager Darrell Winchester removed Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan from the store again last…
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Dan Rice
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AMERICA — An overwhelming majority of rational Americans announced they were suddenly infected with hope, an emotion thought to be…
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