ATLANTA — Two cubicle neighbors who haven’t seen one another in over twenty-four months are basically caught up on one another’s lives in under a…
MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Countless sources from around the world are reportedly still unsure why anything is going back to happening in person and why anyone…
Whoa there, buddy. I didn’t come to this party to cultivate new friendships or trick people into connecting with me on LinkedIn. I came here…
COMMON BEAGLE SMALL INTESTINE — Health authorities called upon legendary white blood cell police officer Osmosis Jones to come out of retirement and help as…
UKIAH, Calif. — Local showgoer Ernie Morales lamented the fact he is almost certainly contracting the coronavirus delta variant while attending an avant-garde noise show…
NEW YORK — Local venue Splatz Diner got a head start on lifting the mask mandate by declaring masks unnecessary since March 27, 2020, sources…
HONOLULU — Local punk Joseph Green is looking forward to finally hanging out with friends in the alley during shows again now that the city…
LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band move gear in and out…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Retail clerk Emma Stephenson finally began to feel a sense of normalcy as an unreasonably irate customer screamed directly in her face…
CHICAGO — A passenger on American Airlines Flight 3077 was reportedly concerned whether he was allowed to lower his mask in order to use the…
SAN FRANCISCO — The Day by the Bay Music Festival very sweetly doubled down on announcing lineup reveals and VIP ticket deals yesterday, despite all…
Stay home, everybody! Please limit this year’s Thanksgiving celebration to include only the people you live with. Larger gatherings could have potentially fatal consequences, especially…
LOS ANGELES — Filming resumed on Jeopardy! this week, featuring a modified production that emphasizes social distancing, temporarily cutting the number of contestants down to…
SAN ANTONIO — Local restaurant Tantos Tacos reopened last week to patrons lined up around the block desperately anticipating the historically ignored house mariachi band…
WASHINGTON — Governors from all 50 states agreed that shelter-in-place orders would firmly remain on your shitty band as the rest of the country sees…