HOUSTON — Local 68-year-old Harry Wilson is reportedly about to fire off another sternly worded email to [email protected] to complain about the store’s lackluster service,…
Thirty years. Thirty goddamn years of training, deployments, and countless moves across the world, yet I come home to an entire generation who can’t tell…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Liz Connelly, a second-year Applebee’s employee, refused to show three members of nü-metal octet Slipknot to their table until the other…
LOS ANGELES — Hate speech enthusiast Chris Taylor Brown and his disesteemed nu-metal band Trapt are reportedly offering $35 to anyone who requests them on…
LOS ANGELES — Members of The Pirate Bay took to the cyber seas to salvage the wreckage of disgraced short-form video streaming service Quibi. “We…
SAND LAKE, Mich. — Amazon surprised the world today with its announcement of Luna, the cloud based gaming service expected to be the final blow…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Storm of Justice vocalist Thad MacDuggin’s camouflage clothing and short-cropped hairstyle led to him being thanked again yesterday for his service despite…
OSLO, Norway — The brand new, all-black metal streaming platform “Corpsify +” is responsible for the brutal deaths of eight Norwegian black metal fans, despite…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — The new “gutterhaus” subscription box service is disrupting the living-on-the-streets industry by delivering artisanal cardboard boxes to gutter punks every single…
DENVER — BeatBox, a new subscription service designed to help struggling musicians, began its first round of new drummer deliveries to the doorsteps of paying…
SEATTLE — Online retail behemoth Amazon will roll out their new “Glory Hole” home subscription service this month in select U.S. cities, representatives confirmed. “Customers…
LONDON — Spotify unveiled a new feature yesterday: an ‘Ironic Listening’ mode, which will give users access to music solely for mocking it, without disrupting…
OTTAWA, Ontario — The Canadian Parliament passed a law yesterday requiring all citizens over the age of 18 to spend two years serving as a…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Startup company BoxBox debuted their signature product today — a subscription box delivered monthly to customers’ homes, filled entirely with other subscription…
LOS ANGELES — Bartender Parker McClaine of the trendy Tales of the Garden cocktail lounge is blatantly and equally inattentive to customers of all races,…