WASHINGTON — The Department of Education announced a nationwide initiative to protect America’s police officers from the epidemic of school shootings by creating high-end panic…
PHILO, Ohio — Local 8th grader and “true” punk Tim Krenalka reportedly knows his geography pretty well, but refuses to participate in any lesson which…
NEW YORK — Part-time punk and full-time teacher Jack Hannon once again made an impassioned plea to his students to move “move the fuck up”…
DENVER — Members of local band Shady Hoops are grinding their teeth as their band meeting devolved into an unending lecture about proper cable management…
PORTLAND, Maine. — Local high school teacher, and all-around cool guy, Peter Thielbault reportedly sits on the toilet backwards whenever he evacuates his bowels, confirmed…
HOUSTON — Several severe budget cuts to Texas public schools caused one high school’s ‘American History’ curriculum to be reduced to a single weathered VHS…
LOS ANGELES — The recently-released porn parody of edgy and controversial teen drama “Euphoria,” titled “Screw-phoria,” is stirring controversy for being “lame” and “weirdly wholesome”…
LOS ANGELES — Progressive rock band, Sagramore, surprised attendees of their most recent show when they used the time schedule for an encore to assign…
PIKETON, Ohio — A Dell XPS desktop computer belonging to the Piketon Public Library is starting to get nervous upon hearing reports that remote learning…
BREWSTER, N.Y. — Local parent and lifelong Republican Shane Holmes expressed concerns over the dangers his child faces in the event that she might be…
WINNETKA, Ill. — New Trier High School bully from the class of 1997, Al Edwin, is amazed at what losers and lame motherfuckers can get…
Unless you live on Mars or with your boomer parents who only watch Newsmax, you’ve likely noticed that the United States has a bit of…
EASTHAMPTON, Mass. — Local police officer James Kehoe was stripped of his Sergeant rank after his two semesters of D.A.R.E. classes didn’t result in him…
BOSTON — Local freelance writer Brittany Gates credits her financial success as a freelance writer to the full-time day job that she doesn’t tell anybody…
LOS ANGELES — A seemingly innocuous Spotify pop-punk playlist was ordered by a judge at the Los Angeles superior court to stay at least 100…