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Schools Installing State-of-the-Art Panic Rooms for Cops to Hide During Mass Shootings

WASHINGTON — The Department of Education announced a nationwide initiative to protect America’s police officers from the epidemic of school shootings by creating high-end panic rooms for them to take cover.

“People look at police officers and think ‘those guys are superheroes, they can do it all’ but they forget we are human and that we get really really scared around most people,” said Lieutenant Gary Wisham, an officer in a suburb outside of Sacramento. “Even though we know all the best places to hide, I still wouldn’t feel safe if someone came in and just started shooting. These panic rooms will allow every law enforcement officer in America to take proper cover until the shooter is finished. There really is no other solution to this problem, as far as I can see.”

Students report several instances of police officers pushing them out of the way as they ran from the line of fire.

“It’s tough to get through a school day without being a little scared that some maniac could enter through one of the many open doors with a gun and start shooting again. I think that’s a feeling shared by most people my age,” said high school student Eric Lewis. “If these panic rooms existed when my friends died they still wouldn’t be alive, so nothing will really change for me or any of my classmates. I think if we were allowed inside it would really make a difference, but we’ve been assured that isn’t possible since it would make the cops feel claustrophobic if it got too crowded. They are talking about arming teachers, though, so that should kill even more of my friends.”

Texas Senator Ted Cruz extolled the virtue of this plan from the steps of Capitol Hill noting it’s a positive step forward to protect our boys in blue.

“It’s never been harder to be a law enforcement officer in America,” said Cruz. “They’re not only under attack from school shooters but also from coastal, liberal elites and the Mainstream Media, and this plan is a win for real American heroes. Having a dedicated safe space for law enforcement is a step in the right direction to funding the police more. Now we can sleep easy at night knowing they have access to a secure room, with their favorite foods, comfortable furniture, and most importantly; soundproofing so they won’t be bothered by gunshots or screams. I would sacrifice every student in America if it meant protecting even just one law enforcement officer’s life.”

At press time, Police unions across the country say these safe rooms are not enough, and demanded satellite television with all the best sports packages to be installed in each one.