BOSTON — Hundreds of new straight edge recruits received their standard issue black sheep tattoos this morning in a traditional Edge Day celebration, witnesses confirmed.…
WASHINGTON — Post-hardcore band Fugazi will end their 15-year hiatus with a series of shows in which they will criticize and chastise their audience in…
TAMPA, Fla. – Ellen Hayes, wife of Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Ralph Hayes, marked herself “safe” on Facebook last week after a recent tropical storm,…
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. – Guitar Center announced a new policy this morning mandating five-day waiting periods for anyone wishing to buy a ukulele, effective immediately.…
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Journalist and musician Nardwuar is nervously awaiting the nominations for the upcoming Servie Awards, friends close to the interviewer confirmed. “He…
BROOKLYN, N.Y — Polyamorous partners Holly Byrne and Amanda Bartlow pledged their never-ending commitment to one another, and to giving unrelenting, unsolicited advice to others…
PENSACOLA, Fla. — Mind Melter drummer Ryan Braddox was politely asked last night to take a photo of the rest of his band posing with…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 26-year-old Marcus Quinn, giving the appearance of a normal Millennial man on the surface, is completely incapable of expressing emojis, confirmed…
LOS ANGELES — Surgeons at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center completed an experimental procedure this morning, adding extra ribs to Morrissey’s aging body to prevent him…
HUNTINGTON, N.Y. — Members of the Colombo family have successfully hidden their marijuana use from each other for years despite being open about it with…
ATLANTA — Georgia man Scott Stevens claimed today that the festival he’s attending has somehow prevented him from showering since Wednesday, despite the festival being…
LOS ANGELES — Hardcore legend Henry Rollins wore a black pair of shorts to the funeral service of a family friend late last week, multiple…
DENVER — University of Colorado freshman Gordon Brill attempted last week to reveal his affinity for the band They Might Be Giants to his new,…
ATLANTA — Festival performer Peaches made out with various concert-goers throughout the day on the Project Pabst kiss cam, footage confirmed. The kiss cam, meant…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Renowned MIT physicist Lawrence Gordon inspired the scientific world early last week when he nearly retrieved a pick out of his acoustic…














