LOS ANGELES — The dilapidated building that provided the backdrop for every promo photo from every hardcore band ever will…
Read More →
Edgar Towner
•
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump was seen anxiously wringing his hands in the Oval Office for several hours after accepting…
Read More →
ALLSTON, Mass. — Residents of a basement apartment on Gardner Street are counting on a single, $5 tub of spackle…
Read More →
Krissy Howard
•
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local woman Poppy Kellison’s symptoms of seasonal depression were dismissed as “nothing” yesterday when compared to the…
Read More →
BALTIMORE — Married couple Kenny Wallace and Audrey Tyler are praying to “Christ or whatever the fuck” that the band…
Read More →
RENO, Nev. — Touring hardcore outfit Hammer Envy received a single, damp towel last night to share amongst the four…
Read More →
ATLANTA — Delta Airlines flight attendant Moses Ray dedicated yesterday’s routine flight to Chicago to “the real mother fuckers in…
Read More →
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — 33-year-old pop-punk frontman Danny Huerta has reportedly been cast out of the scene he helped build…
Read More →
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Butthole Canyon frontman Richie Butthole increasingly regrets his chosen stage name, now that he is approaching his…
Read More →
LANSING, Mich. — Local OSHA inspector Gary Branville found an upsettingly high number of blatant safety violations in the latest…
Read More →
