Dan Kozuh
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PITTSBURGH — Local man Samuel Burke was reportedly unsure when to name drop heavy metal band Sepultura to the tow…
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Amir Adan
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LOS ANGELES — Former child star Mary-Kate Olsen recounted yesterday her experience meeting her doppelgänger and “Full House” co-star Ashley…
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Louie Aronowitz
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NEWINGTON, Conn. — Diligently safety-conscious man James Sadler is staying vigilant about social distancing practices, unless his recent Tinder match…
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Patrick Crooks
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SEATTLE — Local punk Kyle Treacher has entered his third year of trying to break in a pair of Doc…
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Stephen Bell
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OUTLANDIA — Dastardly cartoon villain and sorcerer born of hellfire Kindfresser is still somehow completely P.C. despite his abhorrent, wicked…
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Alexandra Houle
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TORONTO — Local well-known-for-having-a-beard guy Will Hoover has finally invested in a hat after being asked to shave for a…
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Freelancer
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MINNEAPOLIS — Members of the Minneapolis Police Department disbanded yesterday to focus on their individual violent side projects, citing creative…
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Krissy Howard
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COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Local Instagram personality and three-year-old Pomeranian JuJu shared today a sprawling, 600-word post in which she…
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Nick Selker
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CHICAGO — A severely cracked drumstick’s condition improved yesterday from “Broken” to “Least Broken” following a set of Slayer songs…
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Courtney Baka
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CHICAGO — Local woman Bethany Cordova has already spent her non-existent, second potential $1200 government stimulus check after hearing that…
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