LOS ANGELES — The veteran YouTube series The Great British Bass Off will team up with Coast to Coast, an up-and-coming YouTube series revolving around…
LONDON — Local steampunk Alexi Franklin was assaulted yesterday by fellow Pincham High classmate and noted steamjock Victor Gryphon, multiple witnesses confirmed. “He kept calling…
PHILADELPHIA – A protest sign originally used at the Women’s March to the Polls last weekend has been successfully repurposed for the first all-female Royal…
NEW YORK — Fans seeing post-rock band We Make Noise Sounds last night weren’t entirely sure whether the group had started playing, or if the…
CHICAGO — Climatologists are blaming record-low temperatures for the steep decline in Year-Round Shorts-Guy populations, resulting in a massive shortage of exposed, hairy, mid-winter calves,…
NEW YORK — Progressive punk Otto Williams replaced the phrase “bum a cigarette” earlier today with “homeless person a cigarette” in an attempt to be…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 13 ½-year-old punk Bailey Tolbert is in a “full-blown” midlife crisis, unsure what to do with the remaining years she has…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local punk Alicia Lane is spending another long, slippery, water-soaked winter in her insufficiently winterized Doc Marten boots, friends close to the…
AKRON, Ohio — Local punk and apparent millionaire Ryan Simpson paid $6 for Friday night’s sliding-scale admission for a show at the DIY venue The…
HELL – Local Angel of Darkness, Satan, gifted metal icons Slayer with an 18-karat gold watch as a thank you for their 37 years of…
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. — Vice-Principal of Eden Prairie High School Wayne McCarthy claimed this week that he can relate with some of his school’s more…
SAN DIEGO — Panda Bear, of the experimental pop band Animal Collective, has reportedly refused to mate since being added to the San Diego Zoo’s…
Shit! According to My Psychic, My Spirit Animal Is That Dancing Guy from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Shit! According to My Psychic, My Spirit Animal Is That Dancing Guy from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
All my life, I have felt that my soul was resonating sympathetically with another being’s essence. A spirit animal, if you will. Perhaps my spirit…
TORONTO — Legendary Rush drummer Neil Peart purchased one of the largest and shiniest drums on the market last night as a gift to himself…
PHILADELPHIA — Guitarist Pete Leinbach reportedly stuck to his pre-planned list of “hit” anecdotes during a first, and likely last, romantic encounter at a bar…