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Man with Screeching Weasel Tattoo Really Going Out of the Way to Explain Himself

LORTON, Va. — Local man Devin Caulfield is now in his 11th year of attempting to explain his Screeching Weasel tattoo despite never having been prompted to do so, multiple strangers confirm.

“I just want to make it clear that I got this tattoo back in 2009, before… it happened,” explained the 35-year-old real estate agent. “March 18, 2011. SXSW. That day is my goddamn 9/11 — Ben Weasel punching that woman changed everything. I used to be proud of this massive weasel on my arm; I used to feel a sense of pride when telling strangers that it wasn’t a character from Roger Rabbit, but the logo of a band whose music changed my life forever. Now, I feel the overwhelming need to assure people that I do not condone punching women in Texas… or punching women anywhere, really. Don’t punch women. That’s a shitty thing to do.”

Punks closest to Caulfield say the guilt is so deep-seeded, it’s almost cost him his life.

“I think he feels worse about what happened than the guy who actually threw the punch,” said local punk Julliette Rodriguez. “I mean, he goes through extreme lengths to cover that thing up. I once saw him wearing a leather jacket in a crowded basement show in July — it must have been well over 100 degrees down there and he was drenched in sweat, but he’d keep insisting it wasn’t ‘that hot.’ He passed out from heat stroke, and was mortified after regaining consciousness and seeing that his jacket had been removed.”

Despite several offers from local tattoo artists to cover up the tattoo, the piece clearly remains on Caulfield’s body.

“I just don’t know what I’d cover it up with. I don’t want to black out the area, because what if people think I’m trying to hide a swastika or something?” Caulfield said. “I do feel weird when guys I don’t know compliment this thing, though. I start wondering why they would — are they cool with what Ben did? Or just people who like cartoon ferrets? I just feel like I can’t trust ‘em. This whole thing has really fucked my life up.”

“I’m just really glad I talked myself out of getting that The Queers tattoo on my neck,” he added.