MASSAPEQUA, N.Y. — Families with young children across the country announced their plans to find you in a restaurant and sit at an adjacent table…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Famed journalist and serviette Nardwuar was reportedly “upset and disturbed” after his most recent interview with pop star Taylor Swift unraveled…
NASHVILLE — Guitarist Taylor York was in complete shock after he was recognized as a member of the hugely successful band Paramore at a local…
This morning I woke up motivated. Motivated to make art. So, just like so many amateur artists in America, I drove to one of the…
NOBLESVILLE, Ind. — Local man Noam Lane’s “over-the-top” proposal gave his long-term girlfriend no choice but to decide whether she should enter into a legally…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — A tiny, free public library at the foot of a residential driveway was forced to ban an extremely small man who was…
BOISE, Idaho — A man suffering from COVID-19 after refusing a vaccination drew ire from other patients by spreading his legs across two ICU beds,…
LOS ANGELES — Local man Peter Thurman is pretty certain nobody can tell he frequently uses his COVID mask as a cloth napkin for yet-to-be…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local Pantera fan Blane Butts referred to another customer at Ingles Supermarket as an “intellectual” yesterday in an apparent attempt to insult…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pervert David Bell could not climax this morning during his daily commute after noticing another bus rider openly nursing her infant, multiple…
QUINCY, Mass. — A pair of teenagers crossing the parking lot of an abandoned strip mall moments ago report that there is definitely someone fucking…
SEATTLE — Punk band The Dead Labor issued a public apology today via Facebook for the “unapologetic and raw” lyrical content of their new album,…
CHICAGO — Local man Tom Bencin, who recently spent $35 on a Pussyslaughter T-shirt that reads “#1 PUSSY MURDERER” in giant letters, has not yet…