WASHINGTON – An audit of Supreme Court merchandise sales revealed that Justice Clarence Thomas pocketed roughly half the proceeds while failing to disclose said income…
PURGATORY — The afterlife faced a major shake-up after the Angel of Death was placed on administrative leave for his failure to kill GOP Senator…
Even though we’re a few years out from the 2024 election, that doesn’t mean we can’t breathlessly speculate on who the GOP will run. Considering…
TAMPA, Fla. — Registered sex offender Owen Blevins repeated a familiar process of going door to door in his local suburb, but this time it…
Former NFL player and University of Georgia football darling Herschel Walker is currently running to be a United States senator representing the state of Georgia.…
I know how this scheme works, you liberal cucks. First you wanna take away my beloved machine guns, which I have nicknamed “Better Penis” and…
Oh, you’re a libertarian? Yeah bro, I guess that copy of “The Fountainhead” with the pages stuck together you’ve got there should’ve been a clue.…
LONDON – Prince Andrew, Duke of York, is reportedly pestering the entire staff of Buckingham Palace to ask if his mother’s royal funeral will be…
SAN ANTONIO — Local punk Issah Rooney is taking advantage of Governor Abbott’s cruel and inhumane policy of busing migrants to northern US cities by…
AUSTIN, Texas — America’s premier far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones alleged that the Sandy Hook defamation trial, for which he paid $45 million in punitive…
WASHINGTON — Leaders within the Democratic National Committee are furious that President Joe Biden took action in a way that somewhat helped disadvantaged citizens, a…
PALM BEACH, Fla. –The Federal Bureau of Investigation recovered stacks of highly-classified nuclear weapons documents with “Hillary Clinton” written in childlike scrawls on them from…
GLENSIDE, Pa. — Pennsylvania senate candidate John Fetterman vows to support universal healthcare for scene veterans, old heads, and all the real motherfuckers in the…
LOS ANGELES — The completion of the fourth season of “Stranger Things” left Americans yearning for a simpler time when the nation was led by…
WASHINGTON — Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell reportedly spent the week in a luxurious DC hotel while the coffin he sleeps in was re-lined, creeped-out…