MORGANTOWN, W. Va. — Local dad and all-around asshole Bert Smilovic failed to understand criticism of his storytelling techniques which involve reducing all people to…
Hey, you. Yeah, the guy with black square-frame glasses and skinny jeans. Sorry, I was just minding my own business, enjoying the show, when I…
LAS VEGAS — Increasing demand for Ibuprofen following When We Were Young 2, a festival targeting millennials who desperately want to relive their best years,…
GUILFORD, Conn. — 36-year-old punk Finn Birch is reportedly telling everyone about the show he went to this weekend, with roughly 90 percent of his…
BEL AIR, Md. — Elder punk Cameron McClintock was recently addressed as “sir” by staff at an area Hot Topic while wearing an aged “Milo…
No nepo baby in recent memory has commanded the national attention than the looming blood clot located somewhere inside Mitch McConnell’s middle cerebral artery. The…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local motherfuckers expressed their displeasure with the lead singer of hardcore band Big Butter for repeatedly and maliciously singling them out…
SHERIDAN, Wyo. — Elder millennial Connor Allison suffered an existential crisis upon realizing the actor playing a “geriatric old fart” in one of his favorite…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local 39-year-old Jillian Rhodes was startled this afternoon after learning that her friend from high school Jordan Hansley is now old, Rhodes’…
I was looking at tour dates for one of those younger up-and-coming bands and I couldn’t help but notice that their tour was broken into…
Oh really you’re a “big fan” of R.E.M? Forgive me for seeming incredulous, but your poser ass doesn’t fit the bill. Maybe you caught a…
LOS ANGELES — Local man and self-described “music aficionado” Alex King once again paid $15 for access to a music streaming subscription despite only listening…
DETROIT — Local metalhead, 36-year-old Denny Brokum, is reportedly willing to admit that he hasn’t heard of the band Scatological Wasteland but is confident that…
MILWAUKEE — Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis dramatically strode forward from the shadows after the word “California” was uttered in conversation by several…
LAS VEGAS — Organizers of the When We Were Young Festival announced that they have set aside 700 parking spots specifically for teens waiting to…