Hey, you. Yeah, the guy with black square-frame glasses and skinny jeans. Sorry, I was just minding my own business, enjoying the show, when I saw you cracking a smile out of the corner of my eye. You seem like you’re having fun, but aren’t you a little too old for that?
I mean, it’s a Tuesday, don’t you have adult things to do? Go home and do your laundry or put one of those tasty-looking blue hockey puck things in your toilet tank. Eat that expired Totino’s pizza you’ve been saving as a treat for when you’ve had a rough day. Just please whatever you do, stop being happy in public, it’s unsettling.
You’ve been standing for a good 30 minutes now, are you sure you don’t want a chair. I know you’ve got cushy office job joints, they’re not used to standing for longer than an elevator ride. Hey buddy, are you still with me? I can’t tell if you’re nodding along to the beat or if it’s past your bedtime and you’re drifting in and out of consciousness.
Oh yeah sure man, go ahead and pull out your phone and pretend you’re busy. Yeah, those look like some really exciting emails you’re reading. Are you seriously reading the latest WaPo opinion piece in between sets? Jesus Christ, you remind me of my dad. Speaking of my dad, he has gout and by the way you’re standing, I think you might too.
Woah take it easy, are you sure you want to drink a second light beer? I’m just looking out for you, you still gotta drive yourself home after this.
Seriously though, I don’t know how you can still smile and have a good time when you should be thinking about adult problems like your check engine light. Or your mortgage payments. Or your hospital bills. Well, you get what I’m talking about.
Man, that’s exactly why it’s so great being young. I’m having the time of my life tonight! Sure, I have a full day of classes tomorrow and the closing shift at Papa John’s and no health insurance and an insurmountable amount of student loan debt, but at least I’m not an old hag.