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43-Year-Old Wearing Descendents T-Shirt and Skinny Jeans Addressed as “Sir” by Hot Topic Staff

BEL AIR, Md. — Elder punk Cameron McClintock was recently addressed as “sir” by staff at an area Hot Topic while wearing an aged “Milo Goes To College” t-shirt and a pair of light gray skinny jeans during a recent nostalgia stop into the retail store, sources who had no fucking idea how long it’s been confirmed.

“I was just tooling around the mall while I was waiting for my wife and son to be done at Lenscrafters, and I figured ‘why the hell not?’ I used to buy band shirts at Hot Topic all the time, so it could be fun to see what it’s like nowadays,” began McClintock. “But as soon as I walked in the cashier asked me if I was lost and if I needed help finding my niece. Judging by the number of band names I didn’t recognize on the t-shirt wall and the sheer amount of anime figurines, I can’t really say I blame them.”

Hot Topic assistant manager Veronica Stepply explained their reverence for elderly punks, goths, and the occasional nu-metal dad.

“I never used to think that respecting your elders was important. But then I read a Reddit thread about ageism and now I realize how much these poor, wisened, wrinkly souls deserve to be treated with dignity,” stated Steeply. “When that ‘Milo’ guy came in here earlier, I knew he was out of his element. But then I thought, you know, maybe someday I’ll be old. And on that day, I’ll also want to be given directions to the nearest soft pretzel kiosk without even having to ask.”

Rodney “Mosh King ” Jones, secretary for the Pre-retirement Organization for Older Punks, has consistently advocated for the dignified treatment of middle-aged former mall punks.

“Older suburban punks are often overlooked. Sure, old-ass Boston hardcore dudes can just phase into liking hockey too much, but what about the kids who had to buy their Dropkick Murphys shirts from the same place that sells Hello Kitty handbags?” explained Jones. “We here at POOP are glad that Mr. McClintock was treated fairly and with respect. That Hot Topic franchise will be receiving our organization’s highest honor – the POOP ‘Award of Senior Service’ (ASS).”

At press time, McClintock bought a couple of “Nightmare Before Christmas” pins out of obligation then walked across the mall to Lenscrafters to see how much his kids’ new glasses were gonna cost.