Tag: murder
145 stories found
Opinion: It’s Time for the Mayonnaise Industry to Turn the Tables and Start Killing Millennials
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The Millennial scourge that has rained destructive terror upon our country’s traditional, sentimental product industry has turned its locust-like cataclysmic…
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My Startup Cuts Out The Middle Man, Tortures Him, And Slits His Throat
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Here at Earth Shields, we set out to create the world's first direct-to-consumer vegan condom company. Never again will you…
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5 Times This Ronald McDonald Statue Gave Me Detailed Instructions on How to Murder My Roommates
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Has the Ronald McDonald statue in front of the McDonald’s talked to anyone else, or just me? He’s tried to…
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I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner That You Can’t Actually Play a Rib Cage Like a Xylophone
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Oh, OK. So apparently I’m the only one here who truly cares about the success of this band. Because from…
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The Homeless Guy I Hit With My Car Last Year Is Totally Ghosting Me. Am I Using That Term Correctly?
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Kids and their lingo these days, am I right? Just as soon as I start to understand the LOLs and…
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If I Don’t Get on ‘Last Podcast on the Left’ then What’d I Kill All Those Kids For?
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Last Podcast on the Left is the coolest podcast around! The way it blends true crime and horrible things with…
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It’s Time We Admit Arnold Killed His Parents
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For the past 15 years now, something hasn't sat quite right with me and I can't stay silent any longer.…
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Turkey Pardoned By President Will Kill Again
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WASHINGTON — President Trump pardoned a 5-year old Bourbon Red turkey named Mikey this morning, sparking outrage amongst law enforcement…
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Why Is It That I Always Seem to Murder Celebrities in Threes?
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I’m a pretty normal guy, I’ve got a job, I’ve got hobbies. I like to go to the movies and…
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