Back in the ‘80s and early ‘90s, Morbid Angel graced us with the perfect mix of maddening thrash, guttural vocals, and Florida madness necessary to…
Death Metal Parents Put Son’s First Horrific Mutilated Corpse Drawing On Refrigerator
WRENTHAM, Mass. — Proud death metal fan parents Danica and Brandon Asheim were so excited about their five-year-old son’s first attempt at drawing a horrific…
PITTSBURGH – Philip Hansley, a self-proclaimed “scholar and devotee” of the progressive rock genre, expressed his outward frustration about having to wait for an unskippable…
Nu-Metal Conjoined Twins Born Connected by Dreadlock
APPLETON, Wisc. — Hot Topic co-workers, Brandy Graff and Dilan Hoffstedter, were “hella stoked” to welcome healthy twin boys conjoined by a single dreadlock, into…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Marcus Ulrich, the lead singer of local thrash metal band Christknuckle, was reportedly spotted at Walgreens asking employees which black hair dye…
40 Harry Potter Characters Ranked by How Likely They Formed a Black Metal Band and Burned Down a Church After Graduating From Hogwarts
At first glance, the whimsical world of Harry Potter may not seem like a place that would produce fans of the early satanic Norwegian black…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — DJ Crockroach of famed metal act Assfault Muffinz admitted that he spends most of his time on-stage at the band’s gigs listening…
Atmospheric Black Metal Band Lists Influences Ranging From “The Hobbit” to “The Lord of the Rings”
TACOMA, Wash. — Atmospheric black metal band Galadriel’s Mirror pushed back against critics who claim their only influence is “The Lord of the Rings,” claiming…
8 Socially Acceptable Reasons To Scream “Fuckin’ Slayer!” Directly Into the Faces of Passersby
As you probably know, FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRR! But unfortunately, there are some people out there who are unaware. Yes, I know, it is very sad. What’s…
50 Punk, Hardcore, Metal, And Indie Albums We Listened To In 2023 That We Legally Can’t Call A ‘Year-End List’
2023 is coming to an end. Another remarkable year that proves true the old adage: ‘yes, things actually can and will get worse, and boy…
Every Municipal Waste Album Ranked Worst to Best
Municipal Waste are the premier crossover thrash band from Richmond, Virginia, and for most of their existence has been composed of the core quartet of…
Doctors Warn Overuse of White Noise Machines For Babies Could Lead to More Drone Metal Bands
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Doctors across the country warned new and prospective parents that excessive use of white noise machines might lead infants to start drone…
High School Metal Band Makes Pact That If They’re All Still Degenerate Pieces of Shit In Twenty Years They’ll Reunite
SMYRNA, Del. — High school metal band Drunk Blacksmith made an adolescent pact that if when they’re all “as old and unappealing as stale dogshit”…
DUBAI — Members of the Saudi royal family were are in full damage control today after it was revealed Metallica’s first-ever show in the country…
Grammys Announce Metallica, Slipknot, and Ghost Also Nominated For Best Metal Performance in 2025, 2026, and 2027
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — The Grammy Awards’ nomination committee preemptively slated Metallica, Slipknot, and Ghost as nominees for Best Metal Performance in 2025, 2026, and…