My girlfriend Liz recently attended her first metal show, and here are 10 things she said. It’s Nice Not to Have to Wait in Line…
Embarrassing: Black Metal Band Unaware They Have Death Metal Name
OSLO, Norway — Members of the black metal band Flesheating Cadaver are reportedly entirely unaware that they have accidentally chosen a death metal name, vicariously…
Review: Type O Negative “The Origin of the Feces”
Each week The Hard Times reflects on a classic album from rock history. This week we decided to review Type O Negative’s “The Origin of…
HELL — Ruler of the underworld and Dark Lord Satan admitted that even after all these years, he is still flattered whenever he hears a…
Review: Cannibal Corpse “Butchered at Birth”
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we’re taking a look at Cannibal Corpse’s second…
Disappointed Armie Hammer Walks Out of Cannibal Corpse Show
GRAND CAYMAN, Cayman Islands — Disgraced actor Armie Hammer reportedly walked out of a Cannibal Corpse performance moments before the death metal icons introduced their…
LOS ANGELES — Megadeth frontman, and only remaining founding member, Dave Mustaine was shocked to discover he was kicked out of his own band by…
Review: Guns N’ Roses “Use Your Illusion II”
Every Sunday The Hard Times likes to take a trip into its extensive music vault, pick out a classic album, and review it for a…
Review: Corrosion of Conformity “Blind”
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we’re taking a look at Corrosion of Conformity’s…
*TO EDITOR: I’M BEGGING YOU. PLEASE DO NOT PUBLISH.* The Hard Times: Hey, nice shirt. Name 3 songs. Kendall Jenner: Ok. Off which album? Their…
New Father Suspicious of Wife and Black Metal Neighbor After Baby Born With Corpse Paint
BUFFALO, N.Y. — New father Gareth Desmond began to question his wife’s fidelity after she gave birth to a baby in full corpse paint which…
Power Metal Singer Recognized More for Being Guy Who Serves Turkey Legs at Renaissance Faire Than for Band
STERLING, N.Y. — Local metalhead Johnathan Riccitiello admittedly received more recognition for serving turkey legs at the local Renaissance Faire than for his time in…
Progressive Thrash Band Only Wears Fair Trade White High Top Shoes
MILWAUKEE — Members of local thrash metal band Differentiator recently committed to reduce environmental harm by wearing white high top shoes that are certified fair…
Opinion: Podcasting Is the Lowest Form of Entertainment Now That I Found Out I’m Not Good at It
Back in the day, we had true entertainers. Our musicians didn’t just hit computer buttons. They played real instruments like guitar and learned all four…
Fan of the Most Popular Metal Band in the World Upset Other People Are Listening to Them
CHICAGO — Local metalhead Rust Jenkins expressed his disgust that several people he knows began listening to his favorite underground metal band following the conclusion…