DAVENPORT, Iowa — Members of controversial nu metal outfit Trapt were reportedly overjoyed to play their first show in front of an audience in four…
Poser Slayer Fan Gets Out Early on Good Behavior
DETROIT — Supposed diehard Slayer fan James Denninger was released from prison this weekend much earlier than expected due to good behavior, confirmed shocked and…
5 Lame Dio Hand Gestures That Didn’t Catch On
In the annals of heavy metal singers, few stood as tall as one Ronnie James Dio. As the frontman for Heaven & Hell, Rainbow and…
Opinion: Pantera Walked So Drowning Pool Could Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
The first time I heard Pantera’s “Walk” I loved it. It was super catchy, and I really dug the message about respect. And they definitely…
Tool Fan Can’t Believe a Genius Like Him Is Working at Hot Topic
BOSTON — Local 39-year-old Tool fan Mark Gibson spent his entire shift last Wednesday angry at the fact that a genius of his magnitude was…
CASPER, Wyo. — Jimmy Santiago, lead guitarist of local extreme metal act Necrosticide, called in his older brother George for assistance nailing a spectacularly difficult…
I’m the Kid Who Shouted “I Wanna Rock”in That Music Video, and I Wish I Had Apologized to My Father Before He Died
Hi. You don’t know me, but you probably know the child I once was. Jumping around in a bedroom. Windmilling on a Stratocaster. Spinning wildly…
Every Member of Band More Invested in a Solo Project
CHICAGO — Every member of local indie rock band The Soviet Reunion is far more artistically, financially and personally invested in their respective solo projects…
Guitar Virtuoso Seeking Talentless Metal Vocalist to Ruin Songs
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local guitar prodigy Demetri King began his grueling search for a metal vocalist to completely ruin and distract from the brilliant instrumentation…
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — Fans of hardcore and nu-metal announced a peace agreement after finding common ground in their mutual love for seminal post-hardcore band Glassjaw,…
Bottom Hi-Hat Would Like To Be On Top For Once
COLUMBIA, S.C. — The bottom half of a pair of Zildjian “Goon Rock” hi-hats owned by local drummer Felix Hevierre expressed a desire to have…
Mars Rover Accidentally Rolls Into GWAR Rehearsing
HOUSTON — Scientists at NASA monitoring the Perseverance Rover made a startling discovery today when it sent back photos of GWAR rehearsing on Mars, multiple…
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — Staff and audience members at the newly reopened Cherry Pit reported a puzzling stench that may be as serious a health risk…
NASHVILLE — Legendary guitar manufacturer Gibson Brands, Inc. announced an incredibly weighty successor to its famous Les Paul guitar, monikered the More Paul, sources who…
Metalhead on Camping Trip Regrets Bringing Viking Sword to Chop Wood
CARVER, Mass. — Local metalhead Tyler Kearns admitted that the replica Viking sword he brought on his camping trip might look badass, but is terrible…