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Outdoor Show Grinds to a Halt After Bass Player Finds a Cool Bug

ASBURY PARK, N.J. — An outdoor metal show unexpectedly came to a complete stop after the band’s bass player Todd Michaels became distracted by a cool bug that wandered onstage, confused attendees reported.

“This isn’t just any old bug, but a black swallowtail caterpillar! He must’ve been attracted to how low tuned our guitars were and nearly got stepped on by our frontman Josh (Olden). This dude only has a lifespan of ten days, so I need to find a safe place for him to pupate in the scaffolding or something,” said Todd Michaels while searching for something to transport the big. “I asked the audience if anyone had any milkweed on them to feed him, and all they threw on stage was regular weed like this is some kind of joke. The show can wait, the intricate ballet of life is playing out here.”

Less enthusiastic about the local fauna was the band’s lead guitar player, who felt Michaels’ fascination had recently been holding them back.

“Of all the times for Todd to lose focus, it’s at the goddam Stone Pony summer stage. This is our big break and he’s fucking blowing it. I can’t say I’m shocked though, when we first started out playing in parks and empty lots he’d get sidetracked and follow ants back to their hill. I wish he’d forget about his entomology degree for just 45 minutes and just play,” said guitarist Mike Williams. “It’s not like we can just kick him out though, being that he’s the only one of us with a van. Still, I’m giving him five minutes to get it together before I feed that goddam caterpillar to those seagulls over there.”

Venue manager Greg Esposito nearly pulled the plug on the show entirely when Michaels began regaling the crowd with bug facts.

“When you book a band called Serrated Newborn, the last thing you’re expecting is a lecture about arthropods. I figured if I didn’t start seeing some headbanging soon we’d have a riot on our hands, but this fucking guy’s banter is the best I’ve ever seen,” said Esposito. “Shit, at this rate I may just ditch the metal acts and book science talks the rest of the summer. Can’t remember the last time some nerd tried to stab me with a broken beer bottle.”

As of press time, the band found a workaround and played the rest of their set while Michaels detailed the best ways to mutilate and kill invasive spotted lanternflies.