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Teen With ADHD Bouncing Legs at Table Has Killer Double Bass Drum Potential

WICHITA, Kan. — Local teenager Denise Draymond’s uncontrollable leg bouncing and foot tapping is catching the attention of multiple people who see potential in her as a talented metal drummer, confirmed multiple somewhat annoyed, but optimistic sources.

“I wasn’t always a loser public school teacher. I used to play guitar in a tech metal band called Infinite Source Generation back in the early 2000s that was getting pretty big but we always had trouble finding a drummer that could keep up,” said geometry teacher Kevin Seiswick. “One day I was explaining how to calculate the radius of a circle and I heard Denise laying down syncopated rhythms with her feet showing little to no effort, she was just sitting there zoning out and I thought to myself this kid is a once-in-a-generational talent, just not in a classroom. She fucking sucks at math.”

Draymond wishes that Seiswick had more enthusiasm in helping her with the math course she is taking in her freshman year.

“Mr. Seiswick is nice, but the guy barely gave me any tips after I bombed the last test. Got a 58 and he didn’t say shit. He just handed me a Cryptopsy CD and talked about this guy named Flo or something. I guess I could play the CD on my Playstation, but I’d rather just play ‘Call of Duty,’” said Draymond as she tapped out a rhythm with her pencils that could fly in a Meshuggah audition. “But I still think I’m on his good side. I catch him headbanging a little whenever I get a little jumpy. Seems like I gotta take my ProCentra right after this class.”

Psychologist Kristen Miller, who diagnosed Draymond with ADHD two years ago, is not surprised by Seiswick’s revelation.

“Kids with learning disabilities can easily thrive in unique settings, in the musical world in particular,” Miller revealed. “Those on the Autism Spectrum, for example, make for the most organized roadies you’ve ever seen in your fucking life. They will coil a cable like you wouldn’t believe. And it wouldn’t surprise me if Mike Patton had Tourette’s, that guy is off the wall. Denise may go far if she can focus enough for a few drum lessons.”

At press time, Seiswick was overheard offering Draymond a B+ for the entire semester if she was willing to meet up in his garage and jam once a week.