Dude, what the fuck? Doors opened like an hour ago and no one’s here! Now I’m texting all my friends like, “You need to get…
Last week, the one iPhone shared by the entire Hard Times staff got a calendar alert, which was weird because we thought we deleted that…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local psychedelic doo-wop band Francis and the Francy Boys are preparing to play the “only a few tix left” gambit in response…
Heyyyy #GirlBosses! As a white woman that owns several large-brimmed hats, I am an expert in entrepreneurship. This wasn’t always the case though. Not so…
Let’s go places, with our faith. Was it not Christ’s anger at the money changers during the cleansing of the temple that inspired the very…
TAMPA, Fla. — Death metal veterans Cannibal Corpse have launched a signature line of embalming fluids called “Cadaverous Conservation” in a move to supplement their…
SAN FRANCISCO — Email marketing specialist Seth Samael, widely considered one of the most diabolical internet admins, was seen twirling his mustache and cackling yesterday…
By now you’ve all seen that viral story about the dying Star Wars fan who was granted a private screening of “Rise of Skywalker,” and…
CAMDEN, N. J. — Self-described “gym rat and free speech activist” Eddie Massari learned today that the product he’d been applying to his face for…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — The latest update to Facebook’s algorithm will reorganize users’ news feeds to show more posts from the advertisers nearest to their…
AURORA, Ill. — Soon-to-be 36-year-old white man James Brady is spending his last days in the 18-to-35 consumer demographic saying a final goodbye to being…
PLANO, Texas — Pizza Hut president Artie Starrs announced this morning via a conference call with shareholders that the restaurant chain will release a new,…