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Guy Will Get That Thing To You Tomorrow

ANAHEIM, Calif. — Your coworker Michael Banks, a 33-year-old office assistant and widely known flake, announced plans today to get everything sorted out by tomorrow…

I Will Not Support a Lazy River

So this is this water park you all wouldn’t shut up about, huh? This is not as amazing as you kids made it out to…

Nation’s Stoners Announce No Plans

WASHINGTON — Stoners from across the country held a joint press conference last night to announce “no real plans” for the future, according to the…

Guitarist, Guitar Solo Going Nowhere

SEATTLE – Fans of local metal band Christ Decay were unmoved Friday night by new guitarist John Hang’s uninspired, meandering solo during crowd favorite “Pissing…

Punk-Themed Food Truck Only Serves Lazy Puns

LOS ANGELES – Residents of Los Angeles’ Silver Lake neighborhood were excited by a punk rock themed food truck’s decision to frequent the area. But despite…