These days, it seems like division is ingrained into the very fabric of our society. Whether it’s politics, religion, or even sports fandom, the possibility…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local extremely confused man Kirk Unger struggled to determine if he was hearing a live recording of The Grateful Dead or just…
Ready for a geography lesson? New York City is comprised of five boroughs: the Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, and Staten Island, each bearing its own…
HOUSTON — Stranded Boeing Starliner astronauts are considering themselves lucky as a delay pushed their return back to February 2025, therefore continuing to trap them…
Let’s face it. This country has changed and not for the better. Inflation, never-ending wars, global warming, and overall lack of decency. We all know…
PHOENIX — A group of local construction workers told legendary rock star Alice Cooper that he’d look prettier with less makeup as he walked by…
What you’re about to read is seemingly sponsored by nepo babies, but David Geffen wouldn’t have it any other way. Geffen Records was founded by…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Jack White issued a strongly worded cease and desist letter on a one-of-a-kind 7” forbidding the Republican candidate from using his songs…
Let’s face it, liking a legendary group’s most popular song can make you come across as an unseasoned veteran of a band’s fandom. It’ll look…
SIERRA VISTA, Ariz. — The National Association of Bird Lovers (NABL) finally ended years of speculation and admitted that their seemingly wholesome activity was based…
ATHENS, Ga. — Beloved local bar and music venue Whiskey Dick McGraw’s is facing backlash from confused and disappointed punks due to the apparently above-standard…
LOS ANGELES — Alleged pedophile and formerly popular rapper Drake hopes a friend can get him hired at Trader Joe’s until the fallout of his…
There’s never been a more dangerous time to be a young American. School shootings have been steadily on the rise in this country, and shooters…
ASBURY PARK, N.J. — Troy Floor, lead singer of the band Surfside, was apparently really showing off that he knew all the words to his…
Making new friends as an adult can be challenging. But fear not, good reader—here are our tried-and-true tips for how to make a brand new…