ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Local resident and supposed Staind fan Brandon Vintner wasn’t even present at the attempted coup on the U.S. Capitol on January…
QUINCY, Mass. — Supermarket chain Stop & Shop announced that their stores would no longer sell cigarettes due to poor sales from the vast decline…
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — A troubling economic report revealed that 48% of this year’s projected Burning Man attendees don’t have enough of their parents’…
LONDON – Negotiator Peter Franks decided to take on the much easier job of finally getting Israel to agree to a ceasefire with Hamas after…
Going on a first date can be rough. Going on a blind first date can be rougher. But going on a blind first date as…
WASHINGTON – Experts at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recently claimed that depressed people will no longer have to make the lengthy trek to…
Ruh-roh! Run out of toilet paper and wonder what else you can use? Luckily, you can’t afford to own a toilet let alone the sewer…
WASHINGTON — National Public Radio, drunk on its own power over hordes of tea-drinking listeners, announced a new series of mandatory-viewing Giant Desk Concerts, according…
In a world where everyone claims to be triggered and everyone is offended by something, it’s clear that the glorious, unfiltered masterpiece that the 2024…
TOPEKA, Kan. – Local boring millennial Harley Shun admitted that he is horribly embarrassed by his drunken antics which made him enjoyable to be around…
The political divide in this country has never been more extreme. Americans have been siloed into two opposing groups with no seemingly little hope to…
Dear friends, family, and colleagues, It would seem that my most recent post on Facebook has caused a lot of confusion, and dare I say…
Well if it isn’t the new guy! Just so we’re clear from the get go, we do things a little differently around here. This isn’t…
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Legendary music journalist Nardwuar was gently but sternly escorted out of a gentlemen’s club last night for addressing the performers by…
Unless it’s your wedding, most receptions suck worse than running out of vegan protein powder on leg day. Sure, a wedding reception presents endless opportunities…